“In the end these things matters most:
How well did you love?
How well did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
I heard this recently while on retreat. Our beautiful leader read it aloud and then held us in a long and gentle silence so it could seep into our psyches.
Tears stung my closed eyes and my body filled with acute awareness as each question and the weight of its significance landed and waited for my response.
How well had I been loving myself I pondered. And others. And life - my life. There was room for improvement for sure, but I acknowledged I had definitely grown in compassion and love for myself this past year. As someone who had a lifelong habit of putting others first I had made great progress by finally including myself in the long list of people to care for.
As for loving the others in my life, well that love, I conceded, was loyal and steadfast. But there were times I could’ve loved them more with more of my heart.
How well did I live this life I had been given I wondered. At first I was flooded sadly and shamefully with all the times and ways I had checked-out and abandoned myself. And then slowly but surely I recalled the moments that I had shown up - the moments I chose me. And that felt good. I gratefully realised I was indeed changing for the better.
How deeply had I let go I asked myself. A rueful smile dawned inside. I was a recovering perfectionist and control-freak so letting go was not easy for me. Nor had it been all that successful when I tried. But I knew from the many teachers who preached on the value of letting go that peace and freedom were the by-products so I persisted in ‘trying’.
As for the ‘deeply’… well it’s a new year and a new day and in a world of uncertainty I am certain I will be granted countless opportunities to practice!
Asking ourselves these questions at the end of a year is powerful - but not nearly as life-changing as asking them daily.
And then taking our response and our resolve to try again and do better into the next day is ‘being the change’ the world needs. And we need if we are to experience life as fully as we each can.
The trick though is not to use these reflections as a tool to beat ourselves up over what we haven’t done or how we fell short.
We are all a work in process. And progress.
We will all have our moments of loving and living and letting go that are to be counted and celebrated, just as we will have moments that we wish we could do over and do better.
The point is that loving and living fully and letting go deeply are the point!
They are our intention, our aspiration, our hope, our dream, our desired way of being.
So to check in daily, and to do so with compassionate awareness, we give ourselves the best possible chance to put these things that matter most at the forefront of our choices and actions - our life.