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Be more of who you are
approval from the one who matters most
I’ve been hiding —my new hair do and who I am.
For fear of being disapproved of and dismissed and rejected. Afraid you’d think I’m too emotional, too strong, too nerdy, too moralistic, too Pollyanna, too opinionated, too deep, too spiritual, too harsh, too much.
So what did I do in order to stay safe and connected to you?
I held myself back from saying what was really on my mind and in my heart.
I played small with my marketing and business ideas.
I hid my truth and the truths I’ve discovered along the difficult path of ill-health and chronic pain.
But I can’t live that way anymore — it’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you.
So what am I really hiding and holding back?
But because I value truth and long for deep connections with people, here is a small list:
My struggle with being a HSP (highly sensitive person), my extroverted introversion, my big emotions, my beliefs about this journey we call life, my yearning to share what I learn, my mission to serve, my love for depth and meaning, my highs, my lows, my daily debilitating chronic constipation, and pretty much the way I move through life as a keen seeker and a reluctant sage—and how all of this affects me and impacts me and informs me as a writer and creator and teacher.
You see, several years back I made your opinion of me matter more than my opinion of myself. And your acceptance more important than my own. And that’s crazy!
Maybe it took turning 50 and then 51 and almost 52 to wake up to my self-sabotaging ways.
Maybe it took another breast lump scare last month to shake me up.
Maybe it’s thanks to the small group of inspiring women in my life unapologetically doing their thing their way, and in doing so, are helping me to do mine.
Maybe it’s all the work I’ve done to heal the wound.
Maybe my heart and soul are crying out to express more of me.
And maybe, just maybe, my desire to serve you is so strong now that I can’t not be more of who I am.
Whatever it took I want you to know I’m on the way.
And I want you to know that the acceptance and approval and permission you need to be more of you has to come from you first. And that is the most important and most valid and valuable and reliable place you can get it from. It’s actually the only place that truly matters.
Because the world needs you to be more of you.
There’s a wonderful quote I have aspired to that speaks to this issue by the late and very great Wayne Dyer :
What other people think of me is none of my business.
What’s interesting is I write about this in my book Find Your Way, especially in chapter 5 titled Love yourself through the process. It doesn’t mean I wrote something I didn’t believe to be true— it just means I haven’t been walking that important talk lately.
And please don’t panic! This inner tug for me to be more of me doesn’t mean I’m going to hit you with everything I’ve got all the time! I’m still a very private person by nature and will always be selective about what, when and how I share.
I really just want to live me. Be me. Give me.
From the inside out rather than the outside dictating what my insides say.
And by doing so, give you what’s mine to give so that I can fulfil my mission to leave this world, even if its only a small portion of humanity, better than how I found it.
So the Seeker & Sage journey will continue and aim to do just that. If you’d like to join me please consider following me on Instagram (and stay tuned here on Substack - I’ve got more to say on that ‘issue’) and hop over to my website to sign up for the occasional email newsletter so you don’t miss out on my next offering and creative project.
As for the new hairdo…well it’s what happens when I outgrow a phase in my life. I can look back and see pivotal moments when I have taken to the chop! And when no tears have been shed I know it was the right time and the right choice — a liberating reset honouring the whisper from within for me to be more me.
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