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A New Years Revolution
From the archive but oh so valid - STILL - 7 years on!
The following post originally appeared on my SEEKER & SAGE blog back in the January of 2016. It’s been 7 years since then and it’s with a wry smile that I tell you not much has changed : /
The feelings I identify - the longing and the loneliness - and ‘the deficit’ are with me again, still, this new year.
And still, the revolution I needed then is what I need today - to trust. Myself. My feelings. My needs. My yearnings. My questions. My highest. As these infant days and weeks of this new year unfold in their own sweet way, I need to let go of needing to know and hold on to the faith - that I will be answered; that I will be shown; that the longing is leading me toward contentment.
January 28, 2016
It was a simple accident. A slip of the tongue. On New Year’s Day my son asked, in all the glory of his teenage absentmindedness, was I making any new year’s revolutions.
Revolutions. Not resolutions.
Revolutions. I laughed. And so did he. But his innocent faux pas has been plaguing my mind since that first morning of this brand new year.
You see every January, for years now, I’ve had this feeling come over me. It’s a mixture of longing and loneliness. It’s the world going back to work and jobs and careers and callings and me still not really knowing where to be or what to do.
Every December I hope that it will be different – that January will be what it is supposed to be: playful and light – the days tinged with a gentle anticipation of what the year ahead may hold; my mind and heart buoyed by the nature of the new and open to possibility. But it’s not. All I can think about is the deficit. And the sense of urgency to get on with fulfilling my purpose here on earth.
But where? And doing what? When will I know? I just want to know! And that’s the problem – I just want to know. I’m not comfortable with uncertainty.
That’s the whole premise of the seeker – she searches for answers because she just wants to know. She thinks that with knowing, comes safety. And security. And then she will be ok, and she can get on with her life. But it doesn’t work that way.
She will have to trust. That the universe knows. And that she will know when the time is right. This is the revolution she needs.
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